Santa baby

In the spirit of Christmas..

I loathe the process of shopping, but I love giving people presents! But when I'm stumped on what to get them, it is a constant mind game of being self conscious if they like it or not. This year has been a little bit different for me. I actually wanted to give gifts that came from the soul and with consideration - meaning not slapping a bullshit "with love" tag on the present. I sincerely have not been anticipating what I would be receiving this year, but rather anxious to see their reactions are when they open theirs. Since I was being productive and proactive with getting early Christmas gifts this year, I spoiled myself a bit with a couple of splurges here and there - my Christmas present(s) to myself which I love every single one of them!

On a side note: I had a couple requests to post up more things relating to fashion/clothes so I will probably start posting up some goodies I've got a chance to get my hands on or my current likes rather than rambling about nonsense.

Update: I just came back from a family Secret Santa gift exchange dinner and I enjoyed myself so much! Besides the great laughs from shared stories and delicious food, my Secret Santa gave me some MAC goodies! Thank you Diane!


MAC Lipsticks - Creme Cup & Faux
MAC Haute & Naughty Mascara - Black
MAC Eye Khol Liner - Smolder
MAC Paint Pot - Painterly

Happy holidays lovebugs! <3

XOXO

We think you're a joke. Shove your hope where it don't shine

My Mama J taught me:

We don't say "dating," we say "talking."
Instead of saying "we're in a relationship," we say "we're a thing."
We forgot "making love" and learned to say "fucking."
It's no wonder our generation doesn't know the meaning of commitment.

Where is the love?
I know where mine is.

XOXO

During the game of lust

A Poem For Swingers

"I like women who haven’t lived with too many men.
I don’t expect virginity but I simply prefer women
who haven’t been rubbed raw by experience.

There is a quality about women who choose
men sparingly;
it appears in their walk
in their eyes
in their laughter and in their
gentle hearts.

Women who have had too many men
seem to choose the next one
out of revenge rather than with
feeling.

When you play the field selfishly everything
works against you:
one can’t insist on love or
demand affection.
You’re finally left with whatever
you have been willing to give
which often is:
nothing.

Some women are delicate things
some women are delicious and
wondrous.

If you want to piss on the sun
go ahead
but please leave them
alone."

- Charles Bukowski

A man who couldn't be more right.
A man who knows how twisted and illogical the mind can be.
A man who reveals the unspoken truth.
A man who shows the sad reality of life through sex and booze.
A man who I'd love to hate.

But a man who couldn't be more right.

XOXO

Dear Sharon

Sharon Nguyen

Your moxie during your journey through life has significantly impacted the purity of others' hearts. Not a moment goes by forgetting how much you have brought such warm and love into this world.

May you rest in peace, beautiful soul.

XOXO

You've got me up against the wall

My current craving is watching Chicago and Moulin Rouge.
Let the feast begin.

Mental note: New Year's resolution will be to get into shape! Let's see how long that will last..

XOXO

Over you, over you

Envying those Zara shorts.

When it's hot, I want to wear layers of clothing and believe that I'm in Antarctica. When it's cold, I long for short shorts and wearing the bare minimum of any clothing.

Why can't I make up my mind?

XOXO

Christmas wish

My current want right now is someone to fix my sewing machine. I don't want a new one because what will I do with this one? It will take up useful space. Therefore I would like someone to fix my sewing machine and all my wishes and dreams will come true. I can finally alter and mend my own clothes instead of going to someone's house on their time. But then I will be spending countless hours, besides getting some sun to go to the fabric store, inside my humble home sewing away. Now won't someone fix my sewing machine? Please and thank you.

XOXO

What do you know about X's and O's?

These little spells are getting worse and worse.
I don't know where they are coming from.
My head is spinning to the point where I can't focus to walk to drive.
This needs to go away; I have things to do.

On a better note, Mom's birthday tomorrow! Dinner with her after school, hope she is happy with her gifts and has many more birthdays to still come!

XOXO

A few kind words...

drraydinh :

"You are the perfect east coast girl living in the west coast. Hahah. You are displaced."

I miss quite a few things. I guess I just forgot the idea of "nothing lasts forever," but what if I were to have nothing? Does that mean I wouldn't have to miss "nothing" or having "nothing" will satisfy me forever? But what if I like having something and want it to last for as long as until eternity ends? If only things were simple like that. Sorry mind rambling.

XOXO

Over and out

I am _________.

Maybe I'm just taking the easy way out.

Baby I got my eyes on you for a while now

Christian Siriano for Payless - $35

After a long day of classes, I decided to return to my beloved Target to see if they restocked my Dolce Vita oxford shoes, but unfortunately they didn't. Instead, I stumbled upon a neighboring Payless that I just casually decided to browse wondering what ugly shoes they came up with these days. Sad, but true, except for this time. I saw my ideal dream black and gold flats. The beautiful crest was a definite buy and the gold heel was a plus. Who knew Christian Siriano from Project Runway's 4th Season would be designing for Payless? Yes, these were only 35$ but they were on sale for 28$! I researched the line and it turns out that the collection has been out since 2009. Why was I not informed about this?! I hit another jackpot.

Even though I am a thrifty person when it comes to shopping, I sometimes forget that I have become close minded to some generic places carrying anything to my picky expectations. From Walmart's Hard Candy cosmetics collection to Payless' Christian Siriano collection brings me much happiness with still some bills to spare! I vow not to overlook those everyday stores anymore! I love designers for less. I cringe at the ridiculous price tags for some things that seem like 35 minutes was put into work, but I shouldn't say anymore because I am guilty for splurging from time to time.

I have a huge urge to shop, but I cannot seem to bring myself to buy. Things were more appealing to me when I could not have it, now that the possibilities are endless, I don't want much of it. This idea also applies to my food cravings and life in general. I'm a bizarre one, but I am happy with what and who I have. Counting my blessings and they are infinite.

XOXO

All or nothing

It's final.

I'm going to save up until spring break and splurge on a trip to San Francisco or New York for a week as my birthday present to myself. If that fails, it's no more Nochella for me but Coachella! I win both ways! Happy early birthday to me.

Join me? Start saving up 2Gs my babies.

XOXO

Right on Target

Dolce Vita for Target - $30

Home is where Target is. Every time I wander around in there, I become an impulsive shopper. It's ridiculous. I buy things that I don't even need, but can't help myself because it's so damn cute. Who knew that one of my favorite brands of shoes happens to be at Target now?! I hit the jackpot. I am absolutely thrilled, most definitely made up for my crappy weekend. I also bought some other things that I believe were a steal - lace skirt, lace bra, lace cardigan (shut up I know I'm obsessive when it comes to lace), and some Victorian wall art. This is just the beginning of my therapeutic shopping spree this month...

Current wants:
- Muse, Passion Pit, Vampire Weekend CDs (ALWAYS SOLD OUT WHEREVER I GO)
- Black and Brown Leather riding boots (SINCE FOREVER, BUY THEM ALREADY DALENA)
- Hard Candy Eyeliner (I'm almost giving up on that now)
- Brown Oxfords (I need to stop being so damn picky)
- H&M Fall/Winter Line
- Zara Silk Bow Blouse
- Zara Store (Everything in there, all of it)
- Henri Bendel Bag
- Topshop Shopping Spree
- Achieving my desired hair color (even considering to go for the highlighting methood, who knows!)
- My babyboy <3

I'm going to spoil myself silly. Don't judge. Don't hate hard working people.
Work hard, spend hard.

XOXO

Picture perfect

"A picture is worth a thousand words."

A relationship is worthless without action.
Actions speak louder than words.

My feelings were hurt; my natural reactions would be devastation and bitterness. It's not pride; it's the results of a cause and effect. I'm not going to look at this in the long-run or the end product anymore, but instead a day by day, moment by moment process. I can't simply be so willingly to accept a couple of sweet words or delicate kisses just yet, but realize I accepted to take on this challenge. Baby steps.

Summer turned to fall. Let's see if winter will turn to springtime for the better.

XOXO

They always say the hottest love has the coldest ends

Feeling at my lowest of the low made me force myself to make myself enjoy life again. It wasn't a great start due to a misunderstanding but it didn't even matter to me because my mind was still somewhere else. As the day progressed, things started to get a little lighter. I didn't want to let myself be miserable anymore, so thanks to the people yesterday who kept me company; I am giving myself some leverage. Although my appetite for the past few days has shrunk into almost just nothing, I was going to get some food in my system and give myself some damn air and sunshine (ironic that yesterday was a bit gloomy but my kind of weather!). Ate in Irvine, went back home, went to Costa Mesa, watched a movie in Anaheim, then hoping for an adventure we were driving aimlessly down Brookhurst and ended up on the 5 North having LA as our set destination, but it led us to a lot of wrong turns.. Ended up going to Santa Monica, then u-turning to go to Sacramento, but we just figured that we should head back home because being in the ghetto late at night was pretty scary. On the way back, we just decided to make a detour into the streets of Norwalk and that led us to having an impulse of going to Walmart to get some hair-dye. Went back to dye my hair, but I was rushed to leave for Fullerton. For the rest of the night, I was the girl who smelt like hair-dye with my hair in a frenzy. It was something to talk about, and people didn't seem to be bothered by it at all. In fact, my hair was constantly smelled at.. By people's own will. Spent the remaining of my night just talking and laughing at people's club or bar incidents. Learned a lot, like how the guys that girls don't mind dancing with actually have strategies or plans to be successful of dancing with girls. Talk about effort! Finally decided to go home and actually get some good sleep. Thinking that I would finally be able to sleep, I was wrong - 2 hours max. Past few days it's been a total of 4 or 5 hours. It amazes me though, I'm usually the one that strives for sleep; if I don't get at least 6 or 7 hours of sleep, I'm a zombie, but as of right now that seems impossible for me. But overall, reconnecting with people is always a pleasure. I forgot about them lately, but I feel thankful for all of those who made me smile again. I enjoyed myself. Thank you and stay gold babies!

"Can't wait for springtime,
And I will turn into a butterfly,
I will spread my wings and fly."

- Our summer turned into fall. But what about winter?

XOXO

This suspense is killing me

Am I being fucking ridiculous right now? Yes.
Can't help myself.
Am I going to laugh at myself later on for being so fucking ridiculous? Yes.
Already am.

Life is full of surprises, isn't it? Ha.
I just gotta get a hold of myself.
Trying my best.

Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me

... is a lie. Not physically, but emotionally it does.

True feelings remain the same, the idea of togetherness is still there,
but the action is lost. I am fucking miserable.

Don't you let me go, let me go tonight

I feel like I've relapsed from life. My life consists of school, work, sleep, repeat - which I know I mentioned and emphasized many times before, but once more won't hurt. I go on in life and make the most of it but the question still remains unanswered. "Is this it?" You are born, go to school, experience a few phases, continue with school by choice or get a job, have a family or two (hence the divorce rate) maybe even no family, and die. As harsh it is to admit, no matter how much we do with our lives, we begin and end at the same places. Sometimes I convince myself that I will make it out alright in the future, but there are so many factors that could go wrong that makes me lose hope. Behind every smile or laugh, there's always a massive amount of thoughts running threw my head. Sometimes it's a lot to handle. My head zones out from time to time drifting off to endless thoughts. I understand that I am not the only person in this whole world that feels like this, but I guess I'm just being a big baby. I'm tired. I feel drained. I think I wear myself out too much and my mind has its breakdowns. I just need a break or get away to pick myself up again. This sounds like a shopping spree. Hah. I'm still going to stay gold, baby. My head just needed a moment of ventilation, which a bit of Billie Holiday will also do me good.

XOXO

Kiss the sky

I've been fairly well-behaved when it comes to my spending lately. I am determined to get legitimate Christmas presents this year; a little something to remember with sincerity, appreciation, and gratitude. That is why I am starting early; I already got two out of the four big ones. I was notorious for buying gifts last minute and slapping "with love" or "came from the heart" on it. It did come from the heart, but there was no soul, and I feel horrible about it for all these years. I am going to redeem myself.

But I was just thinking, since I have been such a good girl lately, would it hurt if I let myself do a little shopping spree as a reward? I've been deprived and I am longing for new articles of clothing and accessories to quench my thirst for the fall/winter season.. I promise I'll remain loyal again, after this last break. Pinky promise.

XOXO

I thought I was a fool for no one, oh baby I'm a fool for you

Guess who was the lucky duck who went to see the Muse concert at Staples Center with an opening of Passion Pit on ground floor? Yours truly, moi. Thank you Denise for making my day that night! The stage set up was just marvelous, dumbfounding, and simply amazing. The crowd was simply amazing. The atmosphere was simply amazing. They were simply amazing. Amazing, amazing, amazing! Because of that memorable concert, I've been blasting Muse in the car every chance I get, and refusing to listen to the radio if Muse is not playing. Everyone seems to be annoyed by it, but I could careless; I'm addicted.

XOXO

'Cause baby, you my everything, you all I ever wanted

Meet Squidward aka Long

My first photo of this cute boy. Still my favorite picture and boy.

This month has been mainly about getting into the habit of balancing school and work. Although I'm doing all this hard work, I'm resisting from spending hard due to the holidays coming up soon. Work has taught me the real life experience of what it truly feels like to be "working." Even though I'm lucky to have jobs that are more flexible and manageable than others, the concept of work is still there. I miss my family when I'm at school or at work. In the past, I was not a "close-to-family" type of person, but it doesn't mean I don't appreciate my family any less. I want to have those dinners or moments of bonding, but as soon as I come home, I only have enough energy to sleep. I will be cutting back after the holidays, because I plan on getting my family presents of what they deserve and as a replacement for all those times that were lost.

On a different note: I remember promising more daily updates, but I don't tend to bring my camera around a lot nor do interesting things or things worth blogging about comes to mind. It's basically: school, work, eat, sleep, and repeat. I don't want to bore you guys with my nonsense so I cut back on my posts. Don't hate.


I am sad that I can't find this eyeliner anymore. It's currently sold out. This baby has been so good to me. Long lasting and smudge proof. I did stock up on this, but I gave my last stick to Sylvia. Good karma hasn't paid me a visit yet. Tell those greedy people to stop buying them so I can get some for myself! Please and thank you.

I have such a long list of self wants, which I will have to compile a list to full fill again. Oh, woe is me.

XOXO

Gunna take her a ride on a big jet plane

If a downfall results in a rise up higher than before, then we will be inseparable.

XOXO

Your brain so good coulda sworn you went to college

Alas summer has already come to an end. Vincent has referred summer to being a mere "weekend." Which is nothing but fact. My impression of starting college was like being lost at sea. I was an abandoned sailor with only one class that I had no idea what I was getting myself into. This week consisted of me waking up before the sun even bothers to surface over the mountains and fighting pointless petitioning wars for my classes. There were times I felt like I was wasting my time. I almost lost every inch of faith or hope for getting an education and calling myself a failure. I proved myself wrong by pushing myself and managing to get myself two more classes! I am aiming for another one which will complete my mental goal. As I have said before, "Work hard, spend hard," applies to my journey to petitioning hard to get my classes but spending hard for my books and whatnot. Life is funny isn't it? Just one more day of hell and I can finally get some decent sleep.

A little love to Bang for being the go to dependable person that you are. Thank you for listening to my bickering and venting about my personal, emotional matters that you are not obligated to give a crap about, but you do. As far as I know, we aren't going any where any time soon, it's going to be until infinity. And also the fact that I am carpooling with you to school everyday. Happy birthday!

Sometimes I miss the old as I lose appreciation for the new. I wonder if there's a college course on that. Enjoy what you can, but old habits die hard.

"Oh girl quit playing, I'm the only thing you got."

- You're the only one I got, well then I must not have a lot.

XOXO

Hang me up to dry

Some days I feel as if I accomplished climbing a mountain while there are others where I feel as if I sank to the bottomless ocean. There are days I feel inspired to make the most out of life while others I question what is the purpose of life. I'm currently dealing with those days where I have nothing planned for my life and I don't know how it's going to turn out for me in the future, but I still have a bit of hope for myself.

At my new job I work with mainly single mothers or people who have been deprived from the kindness of the heart. I give people the benefit of the doubt that they are genuine people with my respect, but first impressions do change my views otherwise. As I spend majority of my days working and loathing the long hours, I do enjoy interacting with my co workers because they show me that they still manage to go through their hard days. My co workers tell me they wished their children were like me, but I wish my parents had the same appreciation as them. I give people the respect that I can give them, and some have never seen that kind of respect before from others which I feel sorry for because they deserve so much more that I can give them. They are my motivation of working harder.

Less than a week left until school starts, but I can hardly call it school at the moment being registered for only one class and all. Two weeks from now will be my Hell Week. It will consist of waking up at 4AM everyday to go petition for all my classes. Wish me luck kids!

I have some photos from the summer in storage but my ass is too busy and lazy to do any uploading. I always wonder who the hell cares what I post and don't post or what I vent and gloat, but oddly enough, there are some of those who personally request them which I find flattering. Thanks lovebugs!

XOXO

Cupid's chokehold

One blissful month of endless happiness.




I honestly believed that it was quite clique to have such happiness or such ecstasy in a relationship. Many have viewed me as a "potential long-term relationship" type of person, but I proved them to be wrong especially when I view them in a pessimistic manner. I guess this was why I never understood how being married to someone faithfully was so tolerable, until now, minus the marriage idea for now. I can truthfully say that I am happy with this boy. I don't care if it's an infatuation or an obsession; it's just the fact that I want us to "keep doing this and you're gunna see us together."

"The only place that feels like home any more is anywhere that I am with you." -Postsecret

XOXO

Such a sure thing

I wouldn't want to have any other person.

XOXO

It's just the way I see the world

Every summer I always had anticipated for nothing to avoid any let downs of the "thrill of summer," but this summer is been far from any let down. My keyword for the summer is: unexpected. I fled the country for about a week to experience the environment of Hong Kong within a week's notice. It was an unforgettable experience, meaning I loved learning about a new atmosphere of another country and culture, but I missed my baby oh so very much and California. As soon as I was just about getting established at my current work location, I just got offered another job! Along with that, I will also be leaving the city once again for a couple of days to UCSB for a couple of days, PAID I might add. I love opportunities! I also have had a couple of random catch up time with the few people I find worthy of keeping touch with. It's always nice to talk to people again after a period of time of absence to reminisce old times. And of course, spending as much time with the one person who has made me the most happy yet. So as you can see, I have been quite occupied, but I have been enjoying my summer to the fullest extent nonetheless. There are a few things I have to talk about, but I believe this blog post is long enough. I'll save more fun for next time.

XOXO