Well, well, well... Managed to up my sleeping dosage to almost five hours this time instead of the usual three or four! I'm making progress! Let's hope this sleep deprivation does not kick me in my butt later in the day, because it's going to be a long day at school.
Yesterday was a good day. It started out slowly, but worked it's way up to being a relaxing day that I didn't have trouble accepting. The day didn't feel so long anymore. I'm starting to smile more and shutting out my darkness. I had a close call to a relapse yesterday, but friends and words of encouragement motivated me to hold off on it. I'm too emotional to be making such decisions that I might look back on kicking myself because I wish I hadn't. The distraction I've come up with to help me get my mind off things is just good company. That's all I really need and so far, they are doing just that and more. I can't thank them enough for being so supportive and generous to me.
I've managed to put away those memories hidden away. Quite literally and figuratively. It's pretty painful for me to see that it came to an end all so quickly. One moment we would be like that, but now we're like this. To save me from the agonizing reminder of something that used to be, I'm working on something that no longer will be. As much as I'd hate to admit it, I want things to go back the way they were, but seeing how much suffering it put me through these past few days, I don't want to feel this way again. If it's not going to be this time, there will be a next time, because it already happened in the past. I should've seen it coming, but I had strong hope and faith then. Now I have strong hope and faith in myself to get through this and slap a smile on my face. I am doing a mighty fine job right now, and there's no stopping me.
XOXO
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